#3 on the way and other musings

What a whirlwind crazy year it has been! Obviously no time for blogging as many of you can tell...

Our most recent news is that Sara is expecting our #3 child sometime in June. We don't yet know if it will be a boy (our third) or our first girl!! Sara is pretty sure that this will be the last kiddo she can have naturally (delivering two boys around 10-11 lbs. really takes a toll when you're 5'2' and weigh next to nothing!) but we've also talked about adoption so you never know!

As soon as we know boy or girl we'll let all y'all know!!

It has been a full year since we moved into ownership at the clinic and although the Recession of 2008-?? wasn't our best business friend, our staff made 2008 a greater success than we could have hoped for.

Speaking of staff, our latest and greatest Whitefield Animal Hospital family member came to us by way of Kansas (Kansas State Univ. in particular)... Dr. Kristin Erickson joined our staff straight out of veterinary school and has been a instant sensation (I just love that word!!). I have appreciated her honesty, her work ethic, and her sense of humor as we are bit quirky here in the North Country. She is a FAR better veterinarian out of school than I was expecting and is more capable than she even comes close to realizing (yet!)... but don't tell her I said so! She still thinks she's wet behind the ears ;-)

Sara continues to be busier than ever: between part-time business manager, full-time mommy, and overall Babe of Ultimate Hotness she keeps up a pace that is dizzying. It has been spectacularly rewarding to work alongside her and I cannot imagine trying to keep our books straight AND run the medical aspects of the clinic... I think I'd quit.

Zach and Cole have been busy learners as Sara continues to spearhead (I hate that word) their homeschooling. It is super cool to work with her in this process and we see leaps and bounds that never cease to amaze us.

Ooops... gotta go... but I HAVE to get some pictures up soon and will do so as soon as I get them off my camera!!

My list of 100 things...

My list of 100 things...

1. I am married to the most beautiful woman in the world
2. I am not the only person on earth who thinks so
3. I love sports
4. NASCAR isn't a sport ... fits right in with professional wrestling just more expensive
5. I love most animals
6. I trust none of them
7. I hate snakes, spiders, and only like sharks in movies where they eat people
8. I don't like to swim in the ocean
9. I have lived in the Green Mountains, the White Mountains, the Appalachian Mountains, the Smokey Mountains, and I have visited the Rocky Mountains and the Sierra Nevadas.
10. I don't like flat states too much
11. I don't like tornados but I like movies about them
12. I like volcanos, but I don't like movies about them
13. I am a conservative Republican - but I am a budding environmentalist
14. I've been published
15. No, you've never read me before
16. Oops - I guess I just lied ... something I did with frequency, determination, and skill as a teenager (but only to my parents)
17. I bleed orange
18. I love the Red Sox
19. the yankees? see #18... and no, I've NEVER capitalized the "y" word, even if it meant getting points off for spelling in school. You think I'm kidding ...
20. Green Monsters rock - Wally, Oscar, you name it ... oh yeah, Elmo too - he has Red Sox
21. The Cubs will not win a World Series in my lifetime
22. Contrary to popular belief, Pat Summitt is one of the sweetest ladies you could ever meet and Peyton Manning isn't boring at all. I know ... I've met them.
23. Peyton Manning went to school with me
24. My two best friends are both at least 6 foot 4 inches tall.
25. I'm a little shorter than that
26. I thoroughly enjoy cartography - my third choice as a profession
27. Choice #2 was to be a fighter pilot
28. I open doors for women because I respect them
29. I still love video games (see picture) and have been called a "vidiot" by my own mother

30. My Dad was an Olympic class skiier - but chose to serve his country and have a family instead of pursuing an athletic career

31. I will never forget either of these choices - they revolutionized my viewpoint of myself as an athlete, a man, and a father

32. I once hit 33 NBA three-pointers in a row

33. My favorite NBA player was Larry Bird ... #33

34. I have been schooled by a female college hoops player

35. I'd rather hit a jumpshot in someone's face than dunk

36. I am a good shot blocker (aka "I am a skilled metalworker")

37. I have a vivid imagination

38. I'm kinda competitive

39. My family and close friends are laughing their heads off right now

40. I am an avid golfer ... but I stink at golf

41. My golf buddy is my banker ... but I don't mind beating him

42. I have golfed in February in New Hampshire, in June in North Carolina, in 12 consecutive months in Tennessee and in the following conditions: snow, rain, sleet, hail, lightning, 50 mph winds, and 45 minutes after sunset.

43. I believe car alarms are completely useless ... but both my cars have them

44. I believe seatbelts are second only to the Bible in saving lives

45. I have contributed to the delinquency of a minor - and I am related to him

46. I have broken the law and been forgiven for doing it

47. I love animated movies and VeggieTales

48. I have a receding hairline that is 50% genetics and 50% veterinary school

49. I love and quote 2 Kings 2:23-24 on a regular basis

50. I used to love to read in my free time

51. Veterinary school is an effective antidote for this hobby

52. I have traveled to Honduras to treat human patients

53. Real doctors treat more than one species

54. Two of my closest friends are physicians

5. I know someone who got 1600 on their SATs - she is in college at age 16

56. I only got 1390 on mine (or so I was told - I forgot!)

57. I think most of my worldly possessions have been either bought or sold on ebay ... including most of my clothes, a car, all of my golf equipment, 95% of my video game/computer stuff, and LOTS of toys

58. Canadians are lousy ebayers

59. I've never been issued a traffic citation of any kind

60. I speed regularly (but don't tell my brother-in-law)

61. My favorite drink is Dr. Pepper... and it has nothing to do with me being "Dr. P" at work

62. I love to fly and I have always wanted to skydive

63. I am afraid of heights

64. Cyrano de Bergerac is my favorite character from classic literature ... the Count of Monte Cristo is a close second

65. I love a good revenge flick

66. Calvin and Hobbes have no equal

67. I hate bratty kids

68. I have been involved in breaking four Guinness Book of World Records records

69. Cutaneous histiocytomas, mast cell tumors, and traumatic diaphragmatic hernias are really cool

70. Cancer really isn't cool ... it sucks pond slime

71. I make my best medical decisions when I am half asleep or treating an emergency case

72. Two items NEVER to economize on: shoes and beds ... we spend 3/4 of our lives in one or the other

73. Weird Al Yankovic is a genius and should get a Grammy for Lifetime Achievement

74. I am NOT one of the ten most intelligent people I know well

75. My IQ is kinda high

76. There is a very short list of men I would trust my family's lives with in an instant and without hesitation: my fathers, Uncle George, Uncle John McG, Chiroman, Dr. John, Dick Brown, my cousin Eric, Dr. Matt, Tab Jordan, and any of my 3 brothers-in-law

77. I have been addicted to pornography

78. God forgiveness and healing are bigger than any sin problem you can conjure, concoct, commit, or conceal

79. I prescribe Valium, narcotics, anti-depressants, tranquilizers, sedative/hypnotics, and anti-psychotic drugs on a regular basis

80. I have never taken any of them

81. I have given over 200,000 injections in my career

82. I hate needles

83. I have faster reflexes than any dog on earth ... and slower ones than any cat's

84. Getting kicked by a horse doesn't hurt all that much

85. Getting kicked by a cow hurts like a bugger

86. <-- years between World Series wins for the Red Sox, the year of their last World Series appearance before that, and also the number of combined runs scored by the Red Sox and yanks in the ALCS in 2004 when Boston became the first MLB team ever to win a series when down 3 games to none.

87. If Ted Williams didn't serve in World War II nobody would be talking about Barry Bonds because the home run record would be completely out of reach

88. I only know one man who takes his baseball team anywhere near as serious as I take mine

89. If I could ask God to change me, I would ask for: half the artistic ability that my cousin Eric has, one-fourth the compassion of the Nancys (Brown and Sleeth), a taste of Solomon's wisdom, ALL of the patience of Job ... and about 5 more inches in height.

90. I am borderline obsessive-compulsive

91. I think that Despair, Inc. and the Demotivators are hilarious

92. I can sit down and watch The Truman Show, The Mask, or Bruce Almighty over and over again ... but I do not consider myself a Jim Carrey fan

93. I can find at least one piece of music that I like in any genre you can name

94. My favorite song is “500 Miles” by the Proclaimers (and SCC)

95. I fell in love with my wife at first sight - before we'd even spoken a word to each other

96. Contrary to a still-circulating story from my teenage years - I have never told a woman that I loved her while also telling another the same thing at the same period in time (i.e. I've never “played the field”)

97. I truly believe that there is nothing more hurtful than misunderstanding and rumors amongst friends

98. Kathy (Brown) Gounaud is the one girl (female) friend that I know with 100% certainty would/will always talk straight to me - about me, God, or anything else ... and I have never come so close to peeing myself as I have when laughing with her

99. I miss Tennessee - it will always be home to me

100. I hate cliches... but God isn't finished with me yet

Politics and Veterinary Science

Butch the rooster

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible...

Moooooose!!

Hey everyone!!

I think my Facebook status post sorta freaked everyone out so I thought I'd better let everyone know what REALLY happened.

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

So many of you heard about my extraordinarily eventful first week as owner of the Whitefield Animal Hospital: pipes freezing, bursting, and flooding my hospital ward among other things - and after a couple of bizarre appointments, including a rather portly ShihTzu (who honestly reminded me of a certain character from Austin Powers who shall remain nameless) keeling over on me during, of all things, a NAIL TRIM - we THOUGHT we were settled into a bit of a rhythm. Considering the time of year which is painfully slow in the veterinary business in the north country due to a little thing we New Englanders like to call WINTER, our business had actually been thriving in the first several days of operation.

While driving over Route 142 between work and my home in Bethlehem, New Hampshire I came over a rise in the pitch dark of night...

And waltzing out into the road looking like a small Volkswagen on stilts was a moose heifer. In about 3 and 6 tenths of a second the following scene unfolded:

1. Vet's eyes dilate
2. Moose eyes dilate
3. Brakes slamming
4. Moose jamming
5. Moose slamming
6. Moose on the loose
7. Moose flops like a goose
8. Moose flat as a caboose's caboose
9. Truck bumps
10. Truck jumps
11. Truck goes push
12. Moose goes smoosh
13. Truck halts

I whipped that puppy around on a dime and thankfully the poor critter took two big breaths and passed away...

Truck lost some cosmetic and detail cover pieces, a fog lamp, and the driver's seat remained unsoiled.

And dang don't that moose meat taste good!!!

Later all!!

P.S. That's my buddy Jud who came over to help skin the poor girl
P.P.S. No - that leg shouldn't look that way... trucks usually win those battles
P.P.P.S. Yes - the moose it bigger than it looks (they always are!)

The Bumper Stickey Finals!!

Ok folks - after a LONG absence, during which I am sure that 83.3% of my loyal readers (all 6 of them) have dissipated to MUCH more fruitful pastures, I have resurrected the Bumper Sticker Hurt and Heal Contest.

Here are the rules:

1. Read the submissions listed below (can't vote if you can't read! aw... discrimination!)
2. Each submission starts the contest with 10 points
3. You may spend 3 points total in voting PER DAY under the following rules:
a. you may vote to "Hurt" or take points away from a submission's total (3 max per day)
b. you may vote to "Heal" or add points to a submission's total (3 max per day)
c. you may vote a combination of Hurt and Heal to help a submission and hurt another (3 points total per day)
4. The submissions will eventually be eliminated one by one - all results determined by ME.
5. Vote by using the bumper stickers' nickname that is in parentheses following each submission.
5. I will update the standings on every day that voting takes place and will give credit to those of you who are responsible for "Killing" each submission.
6. If there have been no kills for 3 days - all submissions in the lower half of the standings will automatically be HURT be 3 points, and all of those in the upper half will be HURT by a single point (yes, the old "even that which you have will be taken away" deal)

Good luck and have fun! Here are the bumper stickers that made the final cut (in no particular order):

1. Save a cow, eat a vegetarian (Cannibal) - 10
2. Gun control is hitting your target (Crosshair) - 10
3. Born to squeeze a trigger (NRA) - 10
4. Drive it like you stole it (Grand Theft Auto) - 10
5. If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read. (Too Close) - 10
6. Has the Wizard gotten back to you on that brain? (Oz) - 10
7. I've childproofed my house, but they keep finding their way in! (ADHD) - 10
8. Visualize Whirled Peas (Peace) - 10
9. My lab is smarter than your honor student (BlockHead) - 10
10. Put down the cell phone. It might help you lose some of that weight (StayPuff) - 10
11. Sometown, Alaska - a small drinking village with a fishing problem (Lager) - 10
12. Yes this is my pickup truck, No I can't help you move (UHaul) - 10
13. Tailgate me and I will flick a booger on your windshield (Pinocchio) - 10
14. Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience. (Billary) - 10
15. My other car is a broom (Reno) - 10
16. If I HAD another car, I'd be driving it instead of talking about it on my trunk (Genius) - 10
17. If God isn't a Tennessee fan, why are sunsets orange and white? (GOVOLS) - 15
18. If you hit me, I will have a sore neck (SueU) - 10
19. Friends don't let friends drive blue tractors (Deere) - 10
20. Bumper stickers - the only legitimate excuse to look at someone's backside (Yazz) - 10
21. Nuke the gay whales for Jesus (Confused) - 10
22. Welfare is for those who don't want to work. Disability is for Welfarees who are good at pretending (Truth) - 10
23. My taxes pay for your Welfare (IRS) - 10
24. Dog is my co-pilot (Lassie) - 10
25. Visualize using your turn signal (RoadHog) - 10
26. I am the Player To Be Named Later (WaterBoy) - 10
27. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape! (ManRules) - 10
28. Warning: In case of rapture this car will be unmanned (Zoom) - 10
29. 4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions (Numbers) - 10
30. Keep honking - I'm reloading (RoadRage) - 10
31. Ever stop to think... and forget to start again? (Blondie) - 10
32. Driver carries no cash - he's married (Anonymous) - 10
33. Few women admit their age - fewer men act it (Venus) - 10
34. Always remember you're unique - just like everybody else (Uniquity) - 10
35. Buckle Up - It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your seat (Aliens) - 10

Bumper stickey stuff

Some new submissions from The Other Cait...

1. Save a cow, eat a vegetarian.
2. Gun control is hitting your target.
3. Born to squeeze a trigger.
4. Drive it like you stole it

Keep'em coming guys and gals!!

Not too long now...

P.S. Here are a couple of my own to add to the list...

1. If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read.
2. Has the Wizard gotten back to you on that brain?

I didn't have to teach my son this: TAKE 2

Oh boy... is this one for the scrapbook Hall of Shame of what?!

Our family sat down together for dinner this evening, a habit/practice we try to keep every night that I am not busy working at the clinic. One of the dinnertime topics of conversation usually revolves around the question-of-the-day from a little flip calendar of topics and questions designed for families.

Tonight's question:

"If you could have an unconventional pet, which one would you choose?"

After the typical ponderings over such critters as goats, snakes, birds, tigers, lizards, and, dare I say it, spiders, Zach finally came to the most logical conclusion he could think of - his final answer:

"I want a woman."

That's my boy...

Now who has WHO?

Quote of the week

"Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience." Anonymous

My family - we couldn't be more proud

I did NOT have to teach my son THIS...

I firmly believe that fathers have an innate ability to pass certain irrefutable knowledge on to their sons. This is accomplished most often by their mere example in combination with the sons' uncanny ability to identify these truths even at an early age.

Today's example...

My son Zachary recently discovered a box of Matchbox cars that he had owned for a couple of years but had been unplayed-with for at least 6 months. As such, these were of course "new" cars to him. I had just come home from meeting with a friend of mine when he came bouncing up to me Tigger-style with the joyous revelation he'd uncovered and proceeded to inform me that I needed to come see his newly-found treasures.

I followed the Tennessee Jumping Bean into the playroom where he had the cars lined up in almost (and I cannot believe I'm using this word) NASCAR style on the floor with the faster-looking cars up front and the slower vehicles behind. As soon as I took in this scene he announced,

"Look Dad! They're racing! They're having a big race!"

---short pause here---

"Well, except for this minivan - it can't race."

GENIUS!! I never had to tell him the inglorious truths regarding minivans - he knew this instinctively!! Gee whiz I love my sons...

P.S. I've had a couple of emails in support of minivans... from moms... of course. God Bless moms - but we still can't race their cars.

16 in, 16 to go...

Well! We're halfway with the bumper stickers... 16 entries in and 16 more to come...

The latest comes from HazMatt:

"Put down the cell phone. It might help you lose some of that weight."

Hmmmm - I think that has to be one of the early favorites...

The first entries...

Here are the first reader-submitted entries for the Bumper Sticker Contest that I have affectionately called:

THE BIG BUMP OFF

1. Sometown, Alaska - a small drinking village with a fishing problem (submitted by jules)

2. Yes this is my pickup truck, No I can't help you move (submitted by laura)

3. Tailgate me and I will flick a booger on your windshield (submitted by laura)

Keep 'em coming! I will take entries until we have 32 of them and then run a Heal/Hurt (to be explained later to all of you NON-video game enthusiasts) to determine the winner!! Check back soon!!

Back to the Bumper Sticker Contest

Ok folks... I've collected just a few bumper stickers to start things off so maybe they will jog your collective memories and you'll send some more than the grand total I've gotten so far (one!). I've made some of these up - so if they're not on a bumper sticker, they should be!!

Here are the candidates - no voting now, just for perusal...

1. My other car is a broom.

2. If I HAD another car, I'd be driving it instead of talking about on my trunk.

3. If God isn't a Tennessee fan, why are sunsets orange and white?

4. If you hit me, I will have a sore neck

5. Friends don't let friends drive blue tractors

6. Bumper stickers - the only legitimate excuse to look at someone's backside

7. Visualize whirled peas

8. Nuke the gay whales for Jesus

9. Welfare is for those who don't want to work. Disability is for Welfarees who are good at pretending.

10. My taxes pay for your Welfare.

11. Dog is my co-pilot.

12. Visualize using your turn signal

13. I am the Player To Be Named Later

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down!

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.

Now here are 'the rules' from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports:
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus DID NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,'
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have enough shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

1. Men should get a big laugh out of this list

1. Women should get a bigger laugh out of it.

Ssssh... don't tell on me PLEASE!

I might get the state veterinary board called on me for this one... oh, but it would be worth it!!

I had to post this one... no title necessary

...yet still I made one. Humph. Go figure.

I found this during one of my evening web browsing for veterinary research info. If this doesn't convince you to get your teeth cleaned, nothing will. I'm SO glad this happened to a Persian.

I guess the kids must be right after all...

...whining DOES work!!

I had to laugh when I got absolutely deluged with response when I emailed everyone about my blogs. I guess that all I had to do was whine a little and everyone jumps!!

Seriously - I loved connecting a little bit with everyone. I hope we'll keep up with each other. Somehow I posted that one twice thanks to an misplaced edited version... love the comments though so I will post those comments here from the unedited version and then ZAPPO! GONZO! Gonzo... geez I like that guy.

Comments below:

jules said...

I notice bumper stickers more now...really I DO! LOL Mostly how unrepeatable most of them would be!

Anyways, between selling the house, packing the house, moving me and the kids to one place (13 miles away) and preparing Eric to go to another ( Hawaii), preparing for another deployment ( Oct-May), school, house, etc etc....I do check your blog :) but...hmmmm...your last entry was 2 months ago...you must write more to get read more :)
Check out our blog for our updates...ALOT going on here right now. We move on Sunday.
Keep writing and I will keep reading :)

August 9, 2007 10:16 PM

the journey said...

I'm actually kinda mad you haven't linked me to this before, you dummy. . . :o)

August 10, 2007 4:16 AM

LNA said...

Hey!!!I look at your blog everyday but I've got no License Plates to share. Now if you asked about the subject I have always wanted to collect--well you would have heard from me. The ole he is one brick shy or both her oars aren't in the water etc etc etc

Well THAT one flopped...

I guess that my sports blog must have scared everyone off because the only reply I've had to the bumper sticker request was from the fantastically brilliant Atkins family (the Hawaiian via Washington ones) who replied that despite their best efforts, nothing was coming to mind.

So I guess that basically this is a blog that eventually gets read by my wife and me for our own semi-perverted amusement. I think I am beginning to understand what the 97three.com crew must feel like. Great material and struggling to find an audience.

Hmmm... guess I'll have to start advertising.




P.S. Half the time my wife is watching over my shoulder as I write, so I cannot even really claim her as a "reader" or "subscriber" either. Guess she'll have to start her own blog to mess with MY mind - which is nearly impossible to do, since I deal with people and their animals all day long. Hit me with your best shots folks... oops, forgot there's none of you out there listening.

I've got a request - bumper stickers please!

Hey everyone!!

I had this great idea the other day and decided I'd better get it on my blog before I found it elsewhere and someone blamed me for plagiarism... ha!

Anyways - please take a moment to think back and add a comment here with your 1 or 2 favorite bumper stickers of all time. I will compile the best ones I get and try to make a funky tournament thing that will be in the form of a multi-round poll to determine the best one of all time. If I don't have enough for that I might just do a heal/hurt-style game for a survival-of-the-fittest sort of contest.

So bring 'em on! If you want to email them to me you're welcome to!

(see under bumper of Jeep below: "If you can read this, turn me over")

I hope I never grow up

I've had this weekend off as I do half the time, and I've enjoyed spending some time with family and friends. I guess I really have to go back to Memorial Day to complete the "I'm a kid and always will be" stuff I set out to write about tonight.

We bought our first house a little over a year ago and one of the joys of home ownership is fix-it projects and the like. My son Zach LOVES to help with these, so when my wife needed a bigger garden space a couple of weeks ago he helped me cut the sod, till the soil, and move the sod to an area of our lawn devoid of grass. He particularly loved hooking the huge rescue sled full of sod to the back of the truck and dragging it over to the balding area. I'm not sure what he thought was so funny but by the time we were done I was laughing so hard at him laughing at whatever-it-was that I had to stop the truck for fear of running into the barn. Today he helped me retill the remaining sodless area so that we could seed it and such - which we did and I must say he is a GREAT grass seed chucker. Ah, the sight of progress...

But then we HAD to do something like that after Daddy (that's me) created another fix-it project quite intentionally-unintentionally while enjoying some guy time during the Monday Memorial Day family cookout at our place. Zach's Uncle Andy, Judd (a friend), Zach, Grandpa Powers, and Daddy all played homerun derby in the backyard. Nothing fancy but we took an old lean wood bat (not the honkin' Louisville Slugger style) and an old tennis ball and made ourselves a homerun line consisting of the peak of the hill at the edge of our yard next to the large ex-church-turned-karate-dojo next door (which served as our Green Monster in left thru left-center field) and the peak of the hills that lead up onto our front lawn (in center thru right)... quite the cool bowl area. Hitting one on the fly into the road counted as 2 runs as did hitting one over the 3 1/2 story high roof of the dojo. Strategically placed in MY favorite hitting zone in right-center field stands is, you guessed it, our house. Round 1 went to Uncle Andy who hit 7 homers before recording 10 outs. Round 2 and 3 went to me with 5 dingers in each round. Round 4 was the exciting one - this one eventually went to Andy who won over me in the third overtime when we tied in regulation at 4 each. In the second overtime, our little fix-it project came to be...

I am batting with one out (we get three swings in each OT) when I get one of my favorite pitches - low and inside - POW!! A laserbeam shot right at our picture window - SNAP! BOING! The tennis ball ricochets on the fly the approximately 60 feet back to where I hit it from and the window is left intact but jiggling like a bowl of Jello. Whew!! Next pitch (another near-perfect one) - POW!! CHINK!! SMASH!! THUD. Doink. Doink. Eeew. Let me explain - the ball was smoked on a frozen rope towards one of the OLD windows in our mudroom. Upon contacting the thin glass the ball proceed to make a near perfect round hole (CHINK) taking that approximately 4 inch round piece of glass with it across the entire depth of the porch (12 feet) and smashing it against the opposite wall (SMASH), bouncing off that wall and rebounding to hit the near wall (THUD) and bouncing to a stop (Boink. Boink.). Eeew. Not to mention it was an out.

Now where is my ex-Portland Glass cousin Eric when I need him? Looks like another project for Zach and Daddy.

Changing channels...

Zach was watching me play some Ghost Recon 2 on my XBOX today and decided to "join in" with his cap gun. As I would zero in on an enemy, Zach would duck for cover and start laying down suppressive fire on the TV until the guy was toast. I didn't think the concept of the video game had really sunk in until I listened to him relay the story to my wife at dinner...

"Yeah! Daddy was doing the Jeep game (his name for any shooter game - starting with the Halo series) and I helped him! Daddy was inside the TV and I was outside! We shot them and they were toast!"

God bless the children!! Including me!!