Quote of the week

"Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience." Anonymous

My family - we couldn't be more proud

I did NOT have to teach my son THIS...

I firmly believe that fathers have an innate ability to pass certain irrefutable knowledge on to their sons. This is accomplished most often by their mere example in combination with the sons' uncanny ability to identify these truths even at an early age.

Today's example...

My son Zachary recently discovered a box of Matchbox cars that he had owned for a couple of years but had been unplayed-with for at least 6 months. As such, these were of course "new" cars to him. I had just come home from meeting with a friend of mine when he came bouncing up to me Tigger-style with the joyous revelation he'd uncovered and proceeded to inform me that I needed to come see his newly-found treasures.

I followed the Tennessee Jumping Bean into the playroom where he had the cars lined up in almost (and I cannot believe I'm using this word) NASCAR style on the floor with the faster-looking cars up front and the slower vehicles behind. As soon as I took in this scene he announced,

"Look Dad! They're racing! They're having a big race!"

---short pause here---

"Well, except for this minivan - it can't race."

GENIUS!! I never had to tell him the inglorious truths regarding minivans - he knew this instinctively!! Gee whiz I love my sons...

P.S. I've had a couple of emails in support of minivans... from moms... of course. God Bless moms - but we still can't race their cars.

16 in, 16 to go...

Well! We're halfway with the bumper stickers... 16 entries in and 16 more to come...

The latest comes from HazMatt:

"Put down the cell phone. It might help you lose some of that weight."

Hmmmm - I think that has to be one of the early favorites...

The first entries...

Here are the first reader-submitted entries for the Bumper Sticker Contest that I have affectionately called:

THE BIG BUMP OFF

1. Sometown, Alaska - a small drinking village with a fishing problem (submitted by jules)

2. Yes this is my pickup truck, No I can't help you move (submitted by laura)

3. Tailgate me and I will flick a booger on your windshield (submitted by laura)

Keep 'em coming! I will take entries until we have 32 of them and then run a Heal/Hurt (to be explained later to all of you NON-video game enthusiasts) to determine the winner!! Check back soon!!

Back to the Bumper Sticker Contest

Ok folks... I've collected just a few bumper stickers to start things off so maybe they will jog your collective memories and you'll send some more than the grand total I've gotten so far (one!). I've made some of these up - so if they're not on a bumper sticker, they should be!!

Here are the candidates - no voting now, just for perusal...

1. My other car is a broom.

2. If I HAD another car, I'd be driving it instead of talking about on my trunk.

3. If God isn't a Tennessee fan, why are sunsets orange and white?

4. If you hit me, I will have a sore neck

5. Friends don't let friends drive blue tractors

6. Bumper stickers - the only legitimate excuse to look at someone's backside

7. Visualize whirled peas

8. Nuke the gay whales for Jesus

9. Welfare is for those who don't want to work. Disability is for Welfarees who are good at pretending.

10. My taxes pay for your Welfare.

11. Dog is my co-pilot.

12. Visualize using your turn signal

13. I am the Player To Be Named Later

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down!

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.

Now here are 'the rules' from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports:
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus DID NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,'
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have enough shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

1. Men should get a big laugh out of this list

1. Women should get a bigger laugh out of it.