Politics and Veterinary Science

Butch the rooster

John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced. This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet Surprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying
attention.

Vote carefully this year...the bells are not always audible...

Moooooose!!

Hey everyone!!

I think my Facebook status post sorta freaked everyone out so I thought I'd better let everyone know what REALLY happened.

It was a dark and stormy night...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

So many of you heard about my extraordinarily eventful first week as owner of the Whitefield Animal Hospital: pipes freezing, bursting, and flooding my hospital ward among other things - and after a couple of bizarre appointments, including a rather portly ShihTzu (who honestly reminded me of a certain character from Austin Powers who shall remain nameless) keeling over on me during, of all things, a NAIL TRIM - we THOUGHT we were settled into a bit of a rhythm. Considering the time of year which is painfully slow in the veterinary business in the north country due to a little thing we New Englanders like to call WINTER, our business had actually been thriving in the first several days of operation.

While driving over Route 142 between work and my home in Bethlehem, New Hampshire I came over a rise in the pitch dark of night...

And waltzing out into the road looking like a small Volkswagen on stilts was a moose heifer. In about 3 and 6 tenths of a second the following scene unfolded:

1. Vet's eyes dilate
2. Moose eyes dilate
3. Brakes slamming
4. Moose jamming
5. Moose slamming
6. Moose on the loose
7. Moose flops like a goose
8. Moose flat as a caboose's caboose
9. Truck bumps
10. Truck jumps
11. Truck goes push
12. Moose goes smoosh
13. Truck halts

I whipped that puppy around on a dime and thankfully the poor critter took two big breaths and passed away...

Truck lost some cosmetic and detail cover pieces, a fog lamp, and the driver's seat remained unsoiled.

And dang don't that moose meat taste good!!!

Later all!!

P.S. That's my buddy Jud who came over to help skin the poor girl
P.P.S. No - that leg shouldn't look that way... trucks usually win those battles
P.P.P.S. Yes - the moose it bigger than it looks (they always are!)

The Bumper Stickey Finals!!

Ok folks - after a LONG absence, during which I am sure that 83.3% of my loyal readers (all 6 of them) have dissipated to MUCH more fruitful pastures, I have resurrected the Bumper Sticker Hurt and Heal Contest.

Here are the rules:

1. Read the submissions listed below (can't vote if you can't read! aw... discrimination!)
2. Each submission starts the contest with 10 points
3. You may spend 3 points total in voting PER DAY under the following rules:
a. you may vote to "Hurt" or take points away from a submission's total (3 max per day)
b. you may vote to "Heal" or add points to a submission's total (3 max per day)
c. you may vote a combination of Hurt and Heal to help a submission and hurt another (3 points total per day)
4. The submissions will eventually be eliminated one by one - all results determined by ME.
5. Vote by using the bumper stickers' nickname that is in parentheses following each submission.
5. I will update the standings on every day that voting takes place and will give credit to those of you who are responsible for "Killing" each submission.
6. If there have been no kills for 3 days - all submissions in the lower half of the standings will automatically be HURT be 3 points, and all of those in the upper half will be HURT by a single point (yes, the old "even that which you have will be taken away" deal)

Good luck and have fun! Here are the bumper stickers that made the final cut (in no particular order):

1. Save a cow, eat a vegetarian (Cannibal) - 10
2. Gun control is hitting your target (Crosshair) - 10
3. Born to squeeze a trigger (NRA) - 10
4. Drive it like you stole it (Grand Theft Auto) - 10
5. If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read. (Too Close) - 10
6. Has the Wizard gotten back to you on that brain? (Oz) - 10
7. I've childproofed my house, but they keep finding their way in! (ADHD) - 10
8. Visualize Whirled Peas (Peace) - 10
9. My lab is smarter than your honor student (BlockHead) - 10
10. Put down the cell phone. It might help you lose some of that weight (StayPuff) - 10
11. Sometown, Alaska - a small drinking village with a fishing problem (Lager) - 10
12. Yes this is my pickup truck, No I can't help you move (UHaul) - 10
13. Tailgate me and I will flick a booger on your windshield (Pinocchio) - 10
14. Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience. (Billary) - 10
15. My other car is a broom (Reno) - 10
16. If I HAD another car, I'd be driving it instead of talking about it on my trunk (Genius) - 10
17. If God isn't a Tennessee fan, why are sunsets orange and white? (GOVOLS) - 15
18. If you hit me, I will have a sore neck (SueU) - 10
19. Friends don't let friends drive blue tractors (Deere) - 10
20. Bumper stickers - the only legitimate excuse to look at someone's backside (Yazz) - 10
21. Nuke the gay whales for Jesus (Confused) - 10
22. Welfare is for those who don't want to work. Disability is for Welfarees who are good at pretending (Truth) - 10
23. My taxes pay for your Welfare (IRS) - 10
24. Dog is my co-pilot (Lassie) - 10
25. Visualize using your turn signal (RoadHog) - 10
26. I am the Player To Be Named Later (WaterBoy) - 10
27. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape! (ManRules) - 10
28. Warning: In case of rapture this car will be unmanned (Zoom) - 10
29. 4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions (Numbers) - 10
30. Keep honking - I'm reloading (RoadRage) - 10
31. Ever stop to think... and forget to start again? (Blondie) - 10
32. Driver carries no cash - he's married (Anonymous) - 10
33. Few women admit their age - fewer men act it (Venus) - 10
34. Always remember you're unique - just like everybody else (Uniquity) - 10
35. Buckle Up - It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your seat (Aliens) - 10

Bumper stickey stuff

Some new submissions from The Other Cait...

1. Save a cow, eat a vegetarian.
2. Gun control is hitting your target.
3. Born to squeeze a trigger.
4. Drive it like you stole it

Keep'em coming guys and gals!!

Not too long now...

P.S. Here are a couple of my own to add to the list...

1. If you can read this, I'm not impressed. Most people can read.
2. Has the Wizard gotten back to you on that brain?

I didn't have to teach my son this: TAKE 2

Oh boy... is this one for the scrapbook Hall of Shame of what?!

Our family sat down together for dinner this evening, a habit/practice we try to keep every night that I am not busy working at the clinic. One of the dinnertime topics of conversation usually revolves around the question-of-the-day from a little flip calendar of topics and questions designed for families.

Tonight's question:

"If you could have an unconventional pet, which one would you choose?"

After the typical ponderings over such critters as goats, snakes, birds, tigers, lizards, and, dare I say it, spiders, Zach finally came to the most logical conclusion he could think of - his final answer:

"I want a woman."

That's my boy...

Now who has WHO?

Quote of the week

"Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience." Anonymous

My family - we couldn't be more proud