Monday, April 30, 2007

A laser blast from my childhood past... and an argument set to rest

This article is written in response to a message board post on starwars.com that asked the following question:

"Why does Ponda Baba's arm bleed when severed by Obi-Wan? In Expanded Universe and the other movies when a lightsaber cuts through someone the skin is melted together and no blood comes out but in Episode 4 Obi wan (in the mos eisly cantina) cuts a guys arm off and there was clearly blood!"

From a medical perspective, the Mos Eisley Cantina scene where Ponda Baba (Walrus Man) gets his arm cut off is actually plausible whereas the "Anakin Split" scene in Episode 3 is totally unrealistic.

Lightsabers do amazing things but they cannot defy the boundaries of physiology. Cauterization is a long-established method of controlling hemorrhage but it has its limits. Electrocautery or laser cautery depend on a combination of factors*:

1. Heat
2. Focus of energy (heat) which is sometimes called the current density - this is a mix of two subfactors:
2a. Frequency of the energy wave
2b. Magnitude of energy involved (aka POWER!)
3. TIME (in contact with substance being cauterized)
4. Presence or absence of liquid material (e.g BLOOD!)

Even the most finely-tuned cauterization unit (e.g. lightsaber) has it's limitations when it comes to vessel size, blood pressure, and balance of factors* previously mentioned. Obviously a saber rates very high in the #1 and #2 factors but often lacks when it comes to factor #3 (speaking primarily of battle and not of "door melting"). In its overwhelmingly popular usage in the Star Wars world, the primary purpose of the saber is to cut. In this capacity, the magnitude of the energy must be extremely high in order to vaporize tissue - this makes it a VERY POOR coagulation (aka cauterization) unit even WITHOUT taking any of the other factors into consideration. If you DID take these one-by-one you'd notice that the likelihood of this weapon cauterizing anything larger than an arteriole or venule (very small arteries or veins) would be remote at best. Therefore, it will be limited when it comes to major solitary vessels, especially the aortic artery and its primary branches. Not to mention that skin and muscle do not "melt" in the sense that they cannot take on a "sticky" liquid form like some would like to propose - although when tissue is cut or is necrosing it WILL become somewhat sticky as the body's own coagulation processes take effect, though this effect is NOT even remotely instantaneous except on the most minuscule level.

One side note - lightsaber cuts SHOULD be relatively painless once the cut is done since the nerves SHOULD be cauterized even with the high energy level... see if you can go through the films and pick out the level of pain response in each saber victim!

Now to apply these principles to some of the more well-known and oft-debated scenes of lightsaber amputations, etc...

First - Obi-Wan vs. Ponda Baba in Mos Eisley Cantina. As mentioned before, this is probably one of the most realistic saber cut results known. If you look at the freeze frame of Ponda Baba's arm you will see that it is severed approximately mid-humerus or possibly as low as the distal third of the humerus. In this area there are at least two major blood vessels whose pressure would keep them from being subject to simple cauterization - even if the right combination of factors were in place for max coag. So the arm should bleed out whatever blood is within the major vessels and the stump should bleed profusely from these two vessels and some passive bleeding from the back pressure in the major veins. Ponda' stump didn't bleed all that much in the movie so not perfect but close.

Second - Luke's amputation thanks to Darth Vader in Episode 5. This too is fairly realistic and dukes it out with Ponda as the most impressively accurate cut in Lucas's original trilogy. The cut is much lower than Ponda's and is likely considered to be distal antebrachium (lower forearm) by most fans. The vessels here are numerous but their pressure and size make them much easier to coagulate - not to mention Luke is holding the arm for much of his banter with Vader after the slice. Who knows? Maybe the 20-30 seconds of holding it make up for the saber's poor coag ability? Probably not, but we'll pretend it does.

Third - Darth Maul dies. Okay - this one lacks realism on only one level: BLOOD. Yes this cut would kill someone, but it would kill from loss of blood only and that loss would be large and FAST. This cut severs DMaul right at the base of the aortic artery before it splits into the twin femoral arteries that we can remember so vividly from Blackhawk Down right? But you cannot sell a movie with an R-rating after the tame gore in the original flicks. Talk about a dive in ticket sales!

Fourth - Qui-Gon dies. Ditto from the Darth Maul story. If the aortic artery doesn't bleed, Qui-Gon doesn't become a ghost. After all, its basically lightsaber hari-kari WITHOUT the twist.

Fifth - Anakin becomes a midget. Hmmm... this one doesn't add up. If Darth Maul died from being chopped in half (his aorta was cut), then Anakin should be a ghost at this point too because the femoral arteries that are the primary blood supply to the legs are only about 1/3 smaller than the aorta itself and there is almost NO drop in blood pressure once they split - we're talking vessels you could fit your thumb into! So when Annie was orphaned from his native legs at the upper thigh level, we're talking MAJOR squirtage folks! Perhaps the coag process was aided by the red hot mess he landed on - unfortunately this doesn't wash only because his stumps weren't flat on top of that stuff.

If anyone wants to send me more examples from the films, I will be happy to elaborate on their +/- as far as realism. I only say this because if you've read this far you're obviously one of the more enlightened Star Wars geeks out there and I wanted to give you space to broaden your horizons a little. Ha!!

On a miscellaneous note, another member of starwars.com made an excellent point that he/she did NOT elaborate upon that COULD make a huge difference in the whole Law of Coag Versus Cut stuff - alien physiology. The member's ID is Tarkin the Ewok - wanted to give props where they are due! Alien physiology in some races/species COULD possibly make the difference in this argument in the sense that IF certain alien types had bodies that were devoid of major blood vessels and were basically walking conglomerations of capillary beds and arteriole/venule complexes, you COULD have a cut and cauterization happening at a medium energy level. These individuals would have to be very small, slow, weak, and basically devoid of movement, but they COULD exist although individuals that fit this description are not likely to engage in battle with a Jedi or Sith. And most of our examples actually come from humans anyways. Too bad Jabba didn't get lightsabered - we could've tested that theory in film!!

My son is a comedic genius


As a parent, th... er, WHOA!! Did I just say "As a parent" ??!!? I cannot believe the world has come to this - ME? a PARENT?! Okay - everyone who knew me growing up can laugh a little thinking on THAT little tidbit.

As I was saying, as a parent I am never totally ready for the next thing to come out of my children's mouths. For example, when Cole said his first word I actually stopped what I was doing and turned around to look at this little guy standing there with this huge shocked grin on his face as though he just realized what he'd done. He obviously knew that it got my attention - and now he won't stop saying that word. Fortunately the word was "YES" and BOY can I have fun with THAT!! The unfortunate thing is that now he will say it for EVERY question regardless of his comprehension. And YOU thought you had it bad when your child said "NO"? Ha!

Ok - back to the "comedic genius." That would be Zachary and boy does his mind hold it in like a steel trap! He can even hear what I mutter under my breath sometimes - I swear he must be part mother. Anyways - earlier this evening we were playing together and I was chasing his scrawny little butt (SO not Plumley there pal!) with his stuffed killer whale. I pretended to eat the whale when he turned it on me and then out of the blue Zach leaned over and pretended to chomp my arm off... and being the dad that I am howled in pain and made the arm disappear, much to his delight.

Then I asked him, "Oh no! What am I gonna do with only one arm?!?"

To which he immediately grabbed the arm hidden behind my back and proceeded to pretend to "vomit up" my arm (complete with a wipe of his mouth on his sleeve to clean up after the dirty deed) and put it back on - after which he held the arm up so I could see it better and said, "There Daddy! Now you can use TWO arms again!"

What can I say? I mean a Daddy can't play Tickle Fight or Wrestle with one arm right?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Top 100 songs of 1991

Hey! Check out the top 100 songs of 1991! The year I graduated... the first time. If you're curious or just morbidly bored, go to this link HERE and type in the appropriate year in the search box.

My personal faves are in BOLD!!

Props to my cuz'n Haggie - she was the "inthspiration"... ;)

1. (Everything I Do) I Do It For You, Bryan Adams
2. I Wanna Sex You Up, Color Me Badd
3. Gonna Make You Sweat, C+C Music Factory
4. Rush Rush, Paula Abdul
5. One More Try, Timmy T
6. Unbelievable, EMF
7. More Than Words, Extreme
8. I Like The Way (The Kissing Game), Hi-Five
9. The First Time, Surface
10. Baby, Baby, Amy Grant
11. Motownphilly, Boyz II Men
12. Because I Love You (The Postman Song), Stevie B
13. Someday, Mariah Carey
14. High Enough, Damn yankees
15. From A Distance, Bette Midler
16. All The Man That I Need, Whitney Houston
17. Right Here, Right Now, Jesus Jones
18. I Adore Mi Amor, Color Me Badd
19. Love Will Never Do (Without You), Janet Jackson
20. Good Vibrations, Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch Featuring Loleatta Holloway
21. Justify My Love, Madonna
22. Emotions, Mariah Carey
23. Joyride, Roxette
24. Romantic, Karyn White
25. I Don't Wanna Cry, Mariah Carey
26. Hold You Tight, Tara Kemp
27. You're In Love, Wilson Phillips
28. Every Heartbeat, Amy Grant
29. Sensitivity, Ralph Tresvant
30. Touch Me (All Night Long), Cathy Dennis
31. I've Been Thinking About You, Londonbeat
32. Do Anything, Natural Selection
33. Losing My Religion, R.E.M.
34. Coming Out Of The Dark. Gloria Estefan
35. Here We Go. C+C Music Factory
36. It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over, Lenny Kravitz
37. Where Does My Heart Beat Now, Celine Dion
38. Summertime, D.J. Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince
39. Wind Of Change, Scorpions
40. P.A.S.S.I.O.N., Rhythm Syndicate
41. The Promise Of A New Day, Paula Abdul
42. I'm Your Baby Tonight, Whitney Houston
43. Love Of A Lifetime, Firehouse
44. Fading Like A Flower (Every Time You Leave), Roxette
45. This House, Tracie Spencer
46. Hole Hearted, Extreme
47. Power Of Love-Love Power, Luther Vandross
48. Impulsive, Wilson Phillips
49. Love Is A Wonderful Thing, Michael Bolton
50. Rhythm Of My Heart, Rod Stewart
51. Things That Make You Go Hmmmm..., C+C Music Factory
52. I Touch Myself, Divinyls
53. Tom's Diner, DMA
54. Iesha, Another Bad Creation
55. Something To Talk About, Bonnie Raitt
56. After The Rain, Nelson
57. Play That Funky Music**, Vanilla Ice
58. Temptation, Corina
59. Can't Stop This Thing We Started, Bryan Adams
60. I Can't Wait Another Minute, Hi-Five
61. 3 A.M. Eternal, The KLF
62. Time, Love and Tenderness, Michael Bolton
63. Saideness Part I, Enigrna
64. Around The Way Girl, LL Cool J
65. I'll Be There, Escape Club
66. Cream, Prince and The N.P.G.
67. Now That We Found Love, Heavy D. and The Boyz
68. Show Me The Way, Styx
69. Love Takes Time, Mariah Carey
70. Cry For Help, Rick Astley
71. The Way You Do The Things You Do, UB40
72. Here I Am (Come and Take Me), UB40
73. Signs, Tesla
74. Too Many Walls, Cathy Dennis
75. Crazy, Seal
76. I'll Give All My Love To You, Keith Sweat
77. Place In This World, Michael W. Smith
78. Something To Believe In, Poison
79. Wicked Game, Chris Issak
80. Get Here, Oleta Adams
81. Round and Round, Tevin Campbell
82. Silent Lucidity, Queensryche
83. I'm Not In Love, Will To Power
84. Piece Of My Heart, Tara Kemp
85. Real Real Real, Jesus Jones
87. Just Another Dream, Cathy Dennis
88. Everybody Plays The Fool, Aaron Neville
88. Strike It Up, Black Box
89. Rico Suave, Gerardo
90. Disappear, INXS
91. Groove Is In The Heart, Deee-Lite
92. All This Time, Sting
93. The One and Only, Chesney Hawkes
94. O.P.P., Naughty By Nature
95. Freedom 90, George Michael
96. I Saw Red, Warrent
97. Miles Away, Winger
98. Do You Want Me, Salt-N-Pepa
99. The Motown Song, Rod Stewart
100. Shiny Happy People, R.E.M.

**I only highlighted this because of my Hokie brothers-in-law!! 'Sup Hokie Homies!!