Friday, August 31, 2007

Back to the Bumper Sticker Contest

Ok folks... I've collected just a few bumper stickers to start things off so maybe they will jog your collective memories and you'll send some more than the grand total I've gotten so far (one!). I've made some of these up - so if they're not on a bumper sticker, they should be!!

Here are the candidates - no voting now, just for perusal...

1. My other car is a broom.

2. If I HAD another car, I'd be driving it instead of talking about on my trunk.

3. If God isn't a Tennessee fan, why are sunsets orange and white?

4. If you hit me, I will have a sore neck

5. Friends don't let friends drive blue tractors

6. Bumper stickers - the only legitimate excuse to look at someone's backside

7. Visualize whirled peas

8. Nuke the gay whales for Jesus

9. Welfare is for those who don't want to work. Disability is for Welfarees who are good at pretending.

10. My taxes pay for your Welfare.

11. Dog is my co-pilot.

12. Visualize using your turn signal

13. I am the Player To Be Named Later

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Man Rules


At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down!

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

We always hear 'the rules' from the female side.

Now here are 'the rules' from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports:
It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus DID NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,'
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have enough shoes.

1. I AM in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

1. Men should get a big laugh out of this list

1. Women should get a bigger laugh out of it.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ssssh... don't tell on me PLEASE!

I might get the state veterinary board called on me for this one... oh, but it would be worth it!!

I had to post this one... no title necessary

...yet still I made one. Humph. Go figure.

I found this during one of my evening web browsing for veterinary research info. If this doesn't convince you to get your teeth cleaned, nothing will. I'm SO glad this happened to a Persian.

Monday, August 13, 2007

I guess the kids must be right after all...


...whining DOES work!!

I had to laugh when I got absolutely deluged with response when I emailed everyone about my blogs. I guess that all I had to do was whine a little and everyone jumps!!

Seriously - I loved connecting a little bit with everyone. I hope we'll keep up with each other. Somehow I posted that one twice thanks to an misplaced edited version... love the comments though so I will post those comments here from the unedited version and then ZAPPO! GONZO! Gonzo... geez I like that guy.

Comments below:

jules said...

I notice bumper stickers more now...really I DO! LOL Mostly how unrepeatable most of them would be!

Anyways, between selling the house, packing the house, moving me and the kids to one place (13 miles away) and preparing Eric to go to another ( Hawaii), preparing for another deployment ( Oct-May), school, house, etc etc....I do check your blog :) but...hmmmm...your last entry was 2 months ago...you must write more to get read more :)
Check out our blog for our updates...ALOT going on here right now. We move on Sunday.
Keep writing and I will keep reading :)

August 9, 2007 10:16 PM

the journey said...

I'm actually kinda mad you haven't linked me to this before, you dummy. . . :o)

August 10, 2007 4:16 AM

LNA said...

Hey!!!I look at your blog everyday but I've got no License Plates to share. Now if you asked about the subject I have always wanted to collect--well you would have heard from me. The ole he is one brick shy or both her oars aren't in the water etc etc etc

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Well THAT one flopped...

I guess that my sports blog must have scared everyone off because the only reply I've had to the bumper sticker request was from the fantastically brilliant Atkins family (the Hawaiian via Washington ones) who replied that despite their best efforts, nothing was coming to mind.

So I guess that basically this is a blog that eventually gets read by my wife and me for our own semi-perverted amusement. I think I am beginning to understand what the 97three.com crew must feel like. Great material and struggling to find an audience.

Hmmm... guess I'll have to start advertising.




P.S. Half the time my wife is watching over my shoulder as I write, so I cannot even really claim her as a "reader" or "subscriber" either. Guess she'll have to start her own blog to mess with MY mind - which is nearly impossible to do, since I deal with people and their animals all day long. Hit me with your best shots folks... oops, forgot there's none of you out there listening.